I'm learning how hard is letting go. Whether it's an idea you thought was right, a friend that will be missed or a love that won't be forgotten, detaching is never easy.
When something you treasure goes missing, you’re left with two choices: either you remember with a smile the already gone moments or you start to long hopelessly until you end up adoring something that never actually existed, something you just idealized. If you choose to move on and remember without holding to the past, the memories become lessons, and those lessons become growth; if you simply drown yourself in senseless melancholy, you’ll end up growing old without growing up.
Why am I giving a thought to this? Well, because life has kindly chosen to punch me in the face with these facts all at once. See, all my life I’ve been running towards an invisible finish line just because I was told that was the way things ought to be done. I wasn’t sure where I was heading, whether I’d like what I was hurrying to, geez, I didn’t even know why was I running instead of walking and enjoying the ride!
So I stopped for a second and tried to catch my breath while giving a thought to all these questions. What happened is that I realized that doing things because you’ve been taught to is not enough, you have to choose them, believe in them, be responsible and not only accountable for them.
Fine findings I got from stopping to think, however, the thing about stopping is that everyone keeps running and somehow you’re left behind; that’s exactly what happened to me. I’m not saying it’s impossible to keep up, but that takes time, and time was exactly the price for thinking.
On my stubbornness to use my brain (as my friends often point out), I was faced with the urgency to letting go as I was being left behind, and I lost all three of the above mentioned cases: a lifetime belief, the dearest friend and the senseless, secret, impossible love.
Dealing with absence, has now left me with a considerable amount of time to fill my head with the most childish and unpractical thoughts imaginable, or that I believed until I deciphered that it wasn’t me being fool, it was me wanting new things, having new dreams and following new, untaken paths. My priorities have changed, so my desires and expectations, which led me to realize that for the first time I’m walking towards something I chose, at my own time, at my own terms, for my own benefit.
