Recently I've discovered that love, or something very alike, can go on without much drama. For me it is a like walking on a whole new world, a grown up world, a place where everything is deep breaths and restrain, on the hope I learn to love properly, without boycotting that which I care about the most.
Anger, jelousy, distrust, obssesion ans frustration, quartered at the very core of my every destructive and childish behaviors, have become the enemy I fiercely battle, as it's such an unusual blessing to find someone as special and to have such a rare conection despite all the obstacles, so one cannot simply walk away from such a wonderful feeling, even if having to withhold it subdued.
It is a fool's ambition to try to keep a daring heart tamed, censoring its purest and strongest desires; so I should be called a loon, for even when my heart beats passionately for someone worthy, I force to keep it peaced, locked in silence as an attempt to steal a little time, to keep a hope alive, one that has made my journey very lonely, even if I haven't traveled this path alone.
Yes, I have been receiving constant aid from the one who is cause and effect of my efforts and inner battles, but the fact that I'm facing all this trials to earn his heart against his waken will, the fact that I challenge his fears and still his affection because he asks me so, has made us both alies and adversaies and the tricky game of love. It has left us on a position where we love each other while we push us away.
I cannot predict if we will see sucess, if what we have has a future or if it will become everything I long it to be, but today I can assure that this, whatever it may be, is good for me, as it has made me stronger, wiser, more conscient and grounded; he is making me and helping me to step out from center stage and simply to be a better woman.
